The Active Withdrawal and Passive Exclusion of Fathers in “Ghosted Parenting”: Reciprocal Influences on Maternal Anxiety and Child Development

Abstract

Today’s China family is “ghosted parenting”-fathers are less and less willing to take the initiative to raise their children, and are less and less accepted by their families. Combining sociology, psychology and family systems theory, this study investigates how fathers lose the mechanism of raising children and how this affects mothers’ anxiety and children’s growth. The result of the investigation is that the reason why Dad didn’t see me was the gender convention since ancient times, the quarrel between husband and wife, the unclear boundaries of himself in the group, and the anxiety imposed by his mother unconsciously, which would hurt his self-esteem and leave to raise children. If my father is away, my mother will have too much work, and the anxiety will become stronger. On the contrary, if dad helps, the family will regain balance. Children will encounter the following problems: rigid thinking, unable to sort out their emotions well, unable to get along well with friends, and difficult to shape their gender self. If the mother is not at ease, the children will not be able to rely on their parents at ease, or the role of the family will become strange, and these problems will be even greater. As practical suggestions, it is important that dad should become a “bridge to the world” and mom should raise a “just right” child, so that mom and dad can work together to form a virtuous circle of “returning from exploration”. This study fills the theoretical gap by paying attention to the internal process of father’s exclusion, and points out the way for us to reduce the pressure on mothers, promote the common parenting and create a fertile society.